Entry #5: Holding On
“Something is wrong. Bonnie isn’t doing what other one-year olds are doing.” I hear a plane above zooming its engines in the distance and silence. Then, I stand up, walk towards the hallway and all I could hear was my voice saying…what? “Yes, I think there is a problem beyond her hearing loss. She isn’t sitting on her own, crawling, pulling up to stand or rolling over.” I am recommending that the regional center psychologist come in for an evaluation.”
Thump. My head hit the floor. My heart stopped. My world collapsed.
Simultaneously, Scott replied to the OT “but she can turn pages in a book?” True, we did tummy time every day and it never worked. Well, maybe she won’t crawl or pull up. She will just leap to walking. The more she didn’t meet her goals—the more we held on to her turning pages in a book which she had been doing for a long time. We held on to whatever we could—relying on older folks telling us that their child crawled, walked, spoke late. We held on to the belief that everything would work out. She was unique and an original. We held on to each other through the tears, but also through strength and defying the odds. We held on.