Entry #2: A Bump in the Road
On day 5 of my hospital stay, Bonnie and I were released in to the wild. Bonnie’s daddy pulled the car around and we tried to put Bonnie in her pristine carseat. The operative word is tried. The car seat engulfed her and her head too floppy. Scott acted quickly and placed blankets around her to stabilize her head for the careful ride home. Every bump in the road made me wince. Foreshadowing.
A few days later with disbelief casting a shadow of doubt, she didn’t pass her hearing test at the local audiologist. Of course we would do another hearing exam and clear this misunderstanding. She was born three weeks early; so this had to be the explanation. The audiologist recommended hearing aids right away. I emphatically said NO! I need a second, maybe third—ok fourth opinion. We left the doctor’s office and before the office door shut, I felt a stream of tears running down my cheeks. My world was pulling further and farther away from any first time mom expectations. After some discussion about the results, I aggressively wiped the tears away with my sleeve. The test results were wrong. There was no other explanation.
In the hope of finding another solution, I immediately called my dad. He comforted me as best as he could. Still grieving from the loss of my mom, he tried. He really tried. I needed my mom’s voice. The closest and second choice was my older sister. She was and is a mom of two beautiful little girls. She would tell me all would be fine. Just like the nurse said. The reality is, she didn’t know either. Lending a sympathetic ear was crucial, but I wanted her to tell me the doctor was wrong in the hospital and so was the audiologist. Denial is a powerful drug.